Thoughts

I've always wanted to have a blog but even when I created one I never seem to be able to find the time to write! However, I am going to try to make the time this year. I enjoy reading other's blogs and hear what God is teaching them. He's been teaching me alot too and so maybe this will be a place to share some of that.

I shared recently on facebook that I am starting to feel like I am seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. I am feeling more hopeful, optimistic, and wanting to live again. I have been thinking on that, what does it mean to want to live again after you've lost the love of your life? For me it means realizing that my life here on earth didn't end when Bob's did and knowing that he would want me to live and not just "survive". It means being willing to embrace life again and look forward. I still have times when I miss Bob intensely and I think I probably always will. The grief journey is long and it's exhausting. However, I believe I didn't just happen to get to the point I'm at now. It's been 2 years of alot of hard work. Two years of many tears, many long conversations with friends, lots of journaling and lots of wrestling with God. What a journey it has been. The most amazing thing about the whole process is the ways I have seen God's continual care for me. He has carried me, cared for me, and never left my side. He has surrounded me with people who have been willing to walk this road alongside me.

I am thankful to be able to look forward and not have the future look so scary. I know I will still have hard days but my heart is full of gratitude that God has brought me to this point.

So, this year I hope to use this blog to share some lessons I've learned along the way and what God has been teaching me.