Change: The definition of change is:
"The act or instance of making or becoming different." Life is full of changes, some expected, some unexpected, some welcome and some not. In January of 2011 my life was full of changes, one son getting a sudden offer to play college football and leaving to move across the country in the middle of his senior year, another graduating from college and leaving to attend seminary out of state. Those changes, while never easy, are exciting and an expected part of life. We usually have time to prepare for them. Then suddenly, the biggest & most difficult change I have ever had to experience happened, the sudden loss of my husband. I was thrown into this world of widowhood with no preparation, no idea of how to function, a world outlined in shock and horror and grief. The only thing I knew to do was to cling to the only thing that is never changing- my Heavenly Father. The ways He carried and cared for me will have to wait for another blog. He never left me and I knew was the only thing I could truly count on.
Looking back over the last 2+ years I realize something. Change wasn't an option. I could become bitter or I could become better but I could not stay the same. Staying the same is also not an option because you have just lost your other half- you can't even remember who you are anymore! I struggled to find my identity. That is actually an understatement and something that I am still in the process of searching for.
A bit of advice I got at the beginning of this journey was to do the next thing. And so I did. Day after day, month after painful month, I kept pushing ahead. I attended Griefshare, started learning the business, read financial magazines, had soul searching chats with trusted friends, helped my boys. I stumbled, fell, got up, started again. Becoming bitter was not an option, I have been around bitter people and didn't want any part of that life. But change was necessary, I never felt I had a choice. I have changed in many ways. Some visible, some not so much. Change can be hard for those around us. It can be puzzling and maybe even scary. Some may wish we were the person we used to be. That's not possible because we no longer have the life we used to have. I am still adjusting to this new life, this new me. Some days I wonder if Bob would recognize me or what he would say. And so the changes continue. In the last 6 mos. I have gained 2 beautiful (inside & out!) daughter-in-laws. I am about to have a senior in high school and the empty nest will be here before I know it. I continue to learn new things. I don't know what the future holds but I do know two things: I can't stop change and the God of the universe, my Heavenly Father, has been constant through the ages and will never leave me.
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. |
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